ftw

 The braincase, encased. Braincase. The brain-stem. The Judge. All out-put is to be judged. All output. Lower brain - deep brain, none left. No access. Simple is as simple does - you see it's that simple. Brain-case. And we compare. And we contrast. And we contrast again. 

The dawn of chemistry. So , it's a new age of straight edge - you see, I'm supposed to have my shit totally together at this age of 46. No, I totally have to have it together, all my 'friends' are set , what did i do wrong? Oh yeah thats right, I went to Australia. i tried to 'give it a go'. If only I had stayed in Dunedin. You see, if you move , you lose a certain consistency, a certain rootedness. If you rock the boat, you lose. And boy, did I lose. Or did I . 

I feel like some sort of curse has been placed on me, my everyday life is a sordid mess of awkwardness and self-consciousness. Why is it - it's all my fault right?  Oh yes, it's all my fault. Oh yes i'm being punished for all the bad choices I made in my 20s. The blame is 100% on me, it's all my fault. The entire world is my fault. 

You make the wrong choices and bam, if you're over 40 and still lost, it's almost like the society wants you to just 'go away' , you are in the 'too hard basket', your not 'fit to be seen'. Because you remind them of the absurdity of our system. Oh, I'm just a 'dick' and a 'cop' and a 'wanker'. 

Thats life .  Yex how dare I keep existing. Shayne Carter cursed me in his book. 'Dead people I have known'. Oh yeah, I'm one of those 'dead' people he knew. So they're all waiting with baited breath for me to off myself. Cause Shaynes such a 'black' magician. 

Whats the point. No assets, no music equipment, waining talent, no sex, no car, no job, no nothing. I must be crazy. In fact, thats it - I am crazy. I was crazy to be born in this country in the 70s, my parents cursing me with their foetid gene pool.